Are You Stuck in The Messy Middle?

I love the description of being stuck in the ‘messy middle’, it really resonates with me. And this is where I found myself again recently, experiencing the messy middle. Doubts and frustrations bubbled up, constant questioning, and the feeling like everything was really hard work.

I was working on 2 big projects in my business which had over-run because of work going on at home that was taking up my time and energy. It felt like everything had plateaued and I was spinning my wheels and getting nowhere fast. My inner perfectionist had a field day and I spent far too long overthinking things and getting in my own way. It felt rubbish, but I knew it was all part of the journey and I just had to keep going.

I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, but the middle was certainly messy in more ways than one!

What’s the Messy Middle?

For me, it’s when you’re right in the middle of a project or process and feel like you’re floundering. it's the place between fear and desire. You’ve lost the initial enthusiasm of starting out and you’re past the point of no return. You must keep going, one step at a time, even though you’re not close enough to see the finish line yet.

The messy middle is a place filled with uncertainty, and struggles, where you can feel tired, vulnerable, and overwhelmed. You want to avoid it, unfortunately, there’s no escape if you want to progress. The middle isn’t pretty, but it is illuminating and full of essential realisations. It’s the part where the magic happens, and you have to go through it to get to the end.

It’s Part of the Story

I first discovered the phrase 'messy middle' when reading ‘Rising Strong’ by Brené Brown a few years ago, and I've adopted it ever since.

Brené shared a story about a meeting she had with Pixar Studio where they likened the ‘messy middle’ to act two of their storytelling. It’s the bit the writers find most challenging, but it’s critical to the story and can’t be missed out.

It’s the hero’s journey (Joseph Campbell) made up of three acts and forms the framework of all great myths.

First, you’re called to the adventure and the rules are established.

Second, you look for a comfortable way to solve the problem, but you find out what it’s really going to take to get through.

Third, you’ve learned the lesson and know what to do to move forward.

Brené describes the messy middle as a dark, vulnerable, and turbulent place that we'll do anything to avoid. Unfortunately, it’s a non-negotiable part of the process. Experience and success don’t give you an easy passage through it, they just provide you with faith knowing you can navigate it.

What to do When You Feel Stuck

Recognise that the messy middle is just part of the journey and you can’t skip it.

Brene has a process she calls ‘The Rising Strong Process’. The goal is to rise from failures and overcome hurt in a way that gives us wisdom and wholeheartedness. She breaks it into three steps (which I’ve summarised):

The Reckoning: Walking into Your Story

Becoming aware of and getting curious about your emotions and feelings and how they connect with the way you think and behave.

The Rumble: Owning Your Story

Being honest about the stories you're making up about the struggle. Challenge them to determine the truth.  Identify what is self-protection, and what needs to change in order to move forward.

The Revolution

Write a new ending to our story based on your learnings. Use this to transform yourself and change how you engage with the world.

Gather Your Support Network

I know at times like these, my support network is priceless! Surround yourself with people who are on your side and supportive. Those who will listen when necessary and hold you accountable when you need a reality check. These are the people you can bounce ideas off and believe in you. They will remind you, you are enough, and that you’re heading in the right direction.

I’m lucky to have a business buddy, a coach, and a mastermind group who all support me to navigate what’s happening. Make sure you have the right people on your team to support you too.

If you're struggling to get out of your own 'messy middle' book a call and find out how I can help you.